Thursday, December 2, 2010

Weapons of Effect

Time for a fun topic, boys and girls. We’re going to talk about weaponry! And how none of them seem to work against Slender Man!
Wow, that last sentence is pessimistic….


-Used In: Seeking Truth, In My Head, Make it Count
-Effect: None obvious effect in Seeking Truth or In My Head. In Make it Count, upon firing a gun at Slender Man, the shooter began coughing up blood. When brought to the hospitals, the doctors said that she had somehow pierced her lung, though no visible entry or exit wounds were found.
-Final Verdict: Don’t use them. Either it has no effect, or really bad effects.
-Note: Time for me to rant a bit here. Most of my life, I have lived in Texas. As such, I have been exposed to a lot of gun culture, even though most of my life here has been spent in a city which never heard that hippies stopped being fashionable. This gun culture has included a basic knowledge of gun safety. Because of that, every time I read a comment of someone saying, “You should get yourself a gun! Even if it won’t stop Slender Man, it can protect you from proxies!” I cringe. One of the very basic rules of gun safety is, if you have not had any experience or training in handling a gun, do not use a gun. A gun doesn’t just work by point and click, like in a video game. You need to know how maintain the gun, as well as minimize the chances of it going off prematurely. Someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing with a gun is more likely to shoot themselves or a friend then they are to shoot a proxy attacking them. So, please, unless the person you are talking to has handled a gun, been to a shooting range, or has a gun license, stop telling them to go and get a gun as soon as possible. It’s all going to end up with someone accidentally shooting their face off, and that’s never a pleasant thing.

Baseball Bats
-Used In: Da Watcha, EverymanHYBRID
-Effect: Drove Slender Man off in Da Watcha, but the ending of that blog involved having a rave at Slendy’s house, so it isn’t exactly the most reliable source. In EverymanHYBRID, it resulted in Evan bleeding from the mouth and needing to be hospitalized.
-Final Verdict: Baseball bats seem to be oddly popular for use as a weapon, probably because they’re so easy to get. Still isn’t likely to help much against Slendy.

Fire Extinguisher
-Used In: White Elephants, Anomalous Data
-Effect: Caused Slender Man to flee in White Elephants, had no effect in Anomalous Data
-Final Verdict: Chance of success varies depending on how Slendy works at that moment. So, might work, might not. If it doesn’t, you can always just do what B did and use it as a blunt weapon.

-Used In: EverymanHYBRID, Scared
-Effects: After trying to ram Slendy with their car, the Hybrid boys blacked out, then woke up back in their home. In Scared, Slendy just Slenderwalked out of the way, causing them to crash.
-Final Verdict: Well…. It didn’t hurt Slendy. And it doesn’t look like the boys were harmed, but we really don’t know what happened during that gap. And it definitely didn’t work in Scared. Might be safest to just not try it.

A Magical Bone-Thing
-Used In: Dreams in Darkness
-Effect: Drove Slender Man off sometimes. Not a 100% success rate.
-Final Verdict: Really can’t say, due to the unreliable narrator deal. Even if there was a bone that drove off Slender Man, it’s doubtful anyone could find it again.

Yes, seriously.
-Used In: A Really Bad Joke
-Effect: Left Slender Man thoroughly confused.
-Final Verdict: Possibly might work, but this is a serious case of “Don’t try this at home, kids!”

Human Mask
-Used In: A Really Bad Joke
-Effect: When placed on Slender Man, he appeared to have a breakdown, and started losing shape.
-Final Verdict: Another thing which may work, but actually putting the mask on Slendy successfully without being eaten would be a bit of a trick, especially now that he knows what to expect.

Holy Water
-Used In: Scared
-Effect: Caused a loud shrieking noise. Jack, Stephanie, and Drew all blacked out, so we don’t know more than that.
-Final Verdict: They survived, which is a plus, but we can’t tell whether Slender Man was planning to kill them there or not. So no real way to determine whether it was effective or not.

-Used In: Finding the Darkness
-Effect: Slendy screamed, and then Ryan blacked out. Pretty similar to the holy water effect, really. Since the use of the crucifix, Ryan hasn’t made note of any Slender Man appearances, though he’s still got creepy shit happening to him.
-Final Verdict: Same as holy water.

-Used In: Breaker
-Effect: Cut off Slender Man’s arms. Eating the flesh from those arms gave SamJaz SUPER POWERS!
-Final Verdict: Ohoho, Breaker. No, do not try to cut off Slendy’s arms with an axe. It won’t work.

Weaponized Operator Symbol
-Used In: White Elephants
-Effect: Caused Slendy to scream in pain then vanish.
-Final Verdict: Another case of unreliable narrator, so we can’t be sure if it even works. If it does, reproducing the conditions would be difficult (have to make the symbol out of Slendysubstance, and then have Slendy step onto it.)

Shouting Angrily at Slender Man
-Used In: CUT!
-Effect: Um…. Actually…. Worked. Somehow. Slender Man left the room.
-Final Verdict: Go ahead and give it a try. See what happens. Don’t expect it to work, but if it does, well, good for you.

The Power of Rock
-Used In: None, sadly.
-Effect: I can only guess what would happen, since no one has tried it yet. My prediction is that Slender Man would be blown away by the awesome power that is ROCK and be utterly annihilated. And thus, the world would be saved.
-Final Verdict: Someone get a guitar and set up a massive stage outside. Then we can rock Slender Man to death.

In the end, we still don't have anything that can assuredly harm Slender Man. At the moment, the only things which seem to be potentially harmful are all memetic weapons (the $20, the mask, holy water and crucifix, and the operator symbol), and none of those do lasting harm to him.


  1. is it that you always get a post related to what I'm going to do next up just days before mine?

    Anyway, the power of rock is an interesting theory. A book completely unrelated to the mythos (John Dies at the End, by David Wong) cites that as a powerful repellent to demon, using Biblical evidence (David playing his harp for Saul) to back it up.

    I'd say the best bet would be Yggdrasil.


  2. Well, you beat me to a post on humor that I wanted to do, so what's say we call it even? ;)

  3. As a representative of a commonwealth slenderblogger, I would like to add cricket bats to your list. They can probably go next to baseball bats, but cricket bats were used in Shaun of the Dead. So yes.

    As always, great information. And fun to read. I'm noting down the power of rock.

  4. I am definitely going to try power of rock if I ever see him, provided I haven't darkened my pants with excrement or urine at the sight of him. If yelling at him works, what could growling like a barbarian and playing the air-guitar do? I wonder what genre(s) of music would most affect him, though...
    Hah, Slenderband. I can imagine four or five people in formal attire on a stage pouring their minds and souls out of their instruments, sandblasting Ol Pole away with soundwaves and nothing left of him but a long black tie lying on a treestump. I can see them all drop dead of aneurisms as well, but if he is defeated by awesome music I could die a happy man, or at least die with dignity knowing that I tried.

  5. Rock on its own isn't going to do it, though. For it to work as a weapon, people have to believe it will work, and work seriously. The Philip Phenomenon, in M's words, or the Tulpa Effect in Ash's.

    Maduin's "pranks" aren't going to do much, because they're jokes. Rock isn't going to do much, because it's a joke. There has to be enough reason behind it for people to say "yeah, that makes sense" for it to be an effective weapon.


  6. Imagine what fear Tux causes, then compare it to how good music (in your opinion) makes yourself feel. If he can't be combated by enjoying it alone or even in whole crowds, it might still be useful as a morale-boost. I haven't experienced personally how he makes one feel, but I guess music might be enough to counter the fear. I don't know about any beone else, but to me it actually mes some sense as to why it could useful offensively. If not, then it could possibly be used as mental fortification, an armor of sorts.

    Funny. Even though I wouldn't be the sort of person to bring this up (or maybe I would?), this actually doesn't seem like a bad idea. Aside from yelling or angry looks, it's the only offensive option I can think of at the moment that doesn't involve getting too close to Dapper Dan. Thank you for bringing it up, Omega, even if it was a little joke.

  7. Hmm, no mention of Wakizashis? And you wnt hunting for Slenderman with one too on Halloween. ;)

    Since you didn't find him, it could mean that it repelled him.

    Or he wasn't searching for you. One or the other. Though if he wasn't, then you'd have a sword to test on him. If it were to end up like the gun though, that would be bad. Hemorrhaging in front of Slenderman is not cool.

  8. Thanks for the mention.
    As to the 20$, I think it didn't have much of an effect, because it's a Marble Hornets meme, and I'm neither Alex nor Jay.

    Also, Slenderbloggins, don't dismiss jokes so easily. Humor is powerful.

  9. @Maduin: I'm not dismissing them outright. I'm just saying that their power is a bit diluted, considering that people acknowledge that it's a joke and not an entirely serious suggestion. People see someone attack Slendy with a gun or bat and say "oh, that's never gonna work." People see someone hand him a twenny and say "Nah, that couldn't possibly...could it? I dunno, but it'd be pretty funny if it did!"

    Trust me, I'm a comedian at heart as much as I am a writer. I know how powerful humor is. But it's more of a defensive mechanism than an offensive one. Keeps your spirits up. Keeps him out of your head. Keeps you hoping. But it won't get rid of him.


  10. Omega, might I suggest your next essay be about his home invasion tactics? It looks like there's a link between a person's sanity, and if Slendy can actually get inside their house, via Slenderwalking.

  11. @Zero: Interesting idea. I'd need to look for more evidence to back up that hypothesis, but it makes sense.

  12. Hmm, let's see, I think...Fizzbomb, Zeke, myself, and...was it Will? have all said that he's either tried to lure us outside, or attacked the house in an attempt to get in, as opposed to slenderwalk. There's got to be a reason for that.

  13. I'll have to back Jean up with the cricket bat thing, but I've only had to use it against Proxies so far, and it's pretty effective, although mine is slightly damaged from a run-in with a Proxy with a knife.

  14. This is a great post. I've been thinking about this topic myself but haven't had the time to do the research lately... it's a topic/experiment that I'm going to talk about/do in the next coming weeks. I'll keep you updated in my blog.

  15. Your power of rock idea makes me wish I hadn't given up guitar.

    If you find anything that might work and isn't immediately dangerous to the user, please mail me.

  16. The power of rock idea reminded me to Tribute by Tenacious D. Imagine a couple of young men slowly walking, playing their guitars, and Slenderman unable to move by the power of their music.

    Pretty epic.

  17. Really your post is very informative and I enjoyed your opinions. Do you use twitter or stumbleupon? So I can follow you there. I am hoping you post again soon.

    Gun Dealer License

  18. Look, there's a TRADITION of the power of rock being used to defeat the forces of evil.

    "Devil went down to Georgia" is the most classic that we know of, and the themes were repeated in a Tenacious D track. Both times, challenging the evil force to a musical showdown and winning forced the devil away. And like the Operator Symbol, there's a fair amount of debate over Rock being the devil's music.

    I see Rock as a viable weapon for the modern age's fight against a modern monster.

  19. I know of one case of a song actually saving a life, "The Mary Ellen Carter." It is distilled Hope and Love in sonic form, one of three songs I listen to when despair threatens to overwhelm. The other two are Beethoven's 9th (Joy) and Libera Me from Hell (Badassery).

    We need something badass, with the swelling joy only an orchestra can provide, the hope and love of "The Mary Ellen Carter," and the Power of Rock.

    We need a symphonic metal cover of "The Mary Ellen Carter."

    Unfortunately, I have no music skills to speak of.


  20. Considering the effectiveness of the "Weaponized Operator Symbol", has anyone else considered creating other types of weaponry from this "Slendysubstance"? Perhaps a sword and shield would provide more protection and be much more convenient to use as a means of attack.